Cries Of A Bleeding Heart

Hmmm... I am a man.. and I am very proud to be one... but I am not afraid.. nor ashamed that... I am crying blood tears nowadays.. I am hurt... my heart. is ripped apart.. naah.. not by some girl... I am not that vulnerable.. it is just .. I see.. clearly.. what I was and what I've become... I was used to be a brave soul.. always strong... never allowed anyone to humiliate me.. no matter what situation was that[ok... except some incidents.. but those were the times.. when I was nothing... and my character building was not complete...] but now? after so many years of continuous victories... what I've become? a coward? I agree.. I am, lot more successful [Well from everybody else's perspective], but in my own eyes? I am no more than a crawling insect. Living life as others want me to... not the way I want to... fighting with myself every moment ... to not to lose control and do something about bastards bothering me. I never meant to be like this.. is this the price I must pay for what I wanted to be? If yes, then I suppose... now is the time I do something to give up this ... so called success... I've never let anyone control me... and if I wish to live longer... then now is the time I take back control of my life. Since last few months ... one question is bothering me ... I keep asking this question.. in the context of my current situation... and what I am doing to fix it... the question is : WHAT THE FUCK I HAVE DONE LATELY?